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There is never enough money to take me out to eat, to go around town.

Never enough to show me some romance, not enough time, too tired.

There can be endless excuses for you to show me romance and how much you “appreciate me”.

But the minute your friends call you up you’re good to go, no excuses there.

It really sucks to be at this side of the table.

loneliness and thoughts that can’t shut up

There are times when I feel alone,

There are times that loneliness does not bother me.

Yet it is now I feel like I’ve gone too far, surrounding myself with solitude a bit much.

I realize it’s too late to turn around and try to stretch out my hand, 

I feel like I’ve pushed everyone away, feel like no one understands me.

The music is all that consoles me, finding myself walking around with a mask on.

Pretending to be ok when I’m not, when I need someone.

Sometimes it’s a bit much even for myself,

wish to escape my thoughts that can not shut up for a second.

It’s now I feel like having someone to talk to, it’s now I wish you were here.

Into The Looking Glass: People don’t seem to get it. I either eat everything and anything i...


People don’t seem to get it.

I either eat everything and anything i want (always junk, sweets and fatty foods) i WILL get bigger and bigger and more then likely die of obesity.

Or i starve.
Restrict barely eat.
Probably eventually die of heart problems or something else related.

Or i try and…

I am the same way, either I don’t eat cookies or I sit down and eat the whole fucking box …….and its not just cookies, all the things I live make me huge, then there are vegetables the pure taste of them make me want to puke…..its a never ending sad frustrating story

December 12 Nightmare Once Again

Had a nightmare once again. See I oftenly have these nightmares were the boyfriend which I currently live with cheats on me, they are always confrotational and in the dreams he never understands me. Well in last night dream I felt so desperate in need of a friend that I even became friends with one of the girls he cheated on me with. Meanwhile he couldn’t care less and left with the other girl. The anxiety was too much, made me wake up and cry silently was all I could do. Since other times when the first nightmares appeared I try telling him, see he could try to calm me down, tell me none of it is true but all he would do was get mad at me.
It really sucks to have someone next to you who couldn’t care less, who can’t cuddle you when you most need it, who judges you for things you can’t control like dreams.

I’m always hoping he will change but at the same time I am 90% sure it will never happen, so I just find myself staring at him.

On a side note today is our 2years and 4rth monthversary, he woke got his bath robe once standing looked at me and asked “what?” …….am I suppose to tell him goodmorning babe happy monthversary, I see you are forgetting it like last month, or even worse you know what today is but what’s the big deal right?

So I just stare at him amazed of how someone can be selfish caught in their own things.
Well its an amazing 12 of the month again woot!

I’m always wishing my life was important enough to post on this like others, I read other tumblers and their life ar interesting however here I am ……..nothing to say other than I seek for something else…….and I do not know how my life became so boring :(

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